The Bed-in
by RawMateriel
Summary: Sirius is willing to passively protest in the name of love. Written for QLFC.


Written for Season 4 of the QLFC, Round 6.

Title: The Bed-in

Team: Wigtown Wanderers

Position: Chaser 2

Position Prompt: Write about a light character committing the sin of SLOTH or a dark character demonstrating the virtue of DILIGENCE. [Sirius Black/Sloth]

Optional Prompts:

1\. (Object) Swear Jar

4\. (Song) Stitches by Shawn Mendes

6\. (dialogue) "Have I told you that I hate you recently?

Word Count: 2,997

Beta(s): I wish. (Pray for Mojo)

* * *

The room was dimly lit and sweet-smelling. In a large bed, immediately visible by anyone who opened the door, sat Sirius Black. To his left there was a table with a wrought-iron kettle rested over something like a gas lamp, and numerous old mugs filled with various amounts of abandoned tea. The copious cups of tea he was brewing were responsible for covering the smell of sweat that _must_ be there. On his right there was a battered love-seat covered in newspaper.

Sirius had been sitting in his bed for over a week. A few days before he had climbed into bed Sirius had seen a Ten Year Anniversary Special of John Lennon's bed-in for world peace on the television in Peter's Mother's. His friends had been so bogged down by the fact that the protest obviously hadn't worked that they failed to see the genius of it.

Laze around all day and fight for 'world peace'? That's living. After all, the bed-in had a Ten Year Anniversary Special, it obviously wasn't a total failure. Sirius had a different cause in mind though, he was waiting. Remus liked to insist that each time he and Sirius were alone, what happened after was the result of some unprecedented freak incident. For example: there was the time Sirius had been bitten on the neck by a small spider and Remus had had to suck the poison out 'just in case'. Then the time Sirius had been the only one around for a full moon: after Sirius had healed Remus, he had insisted on checking Sirius over 'in case' Sirius had some secret injury on his arse. Sirius's favourite time was probably when Remus said he was too cold to let go of Sirius in the lake, it was also the most ridiculous. Remus knew it was going to be cold when they jumped in. Still, this would settle things. Sirius had dared Remus to try and stay away from his bed, just imagining Sirius waiting for him there day-in, day-out. All effortlessly rumpled, and happy to see him.

Sirius sank back further into the mattress. The Order of the Phoenix had nothing on him.

"Peter! Can I have a sandwich?" Sirius yelled across the flat.

Sirius and his friend's were less than a year out of Hogwarts. Sirius was the only one of them who lived alone. For this reason, even during what Remus described as: 'this utter rubbish', the boys still spent a fair amount of time in Sirius's place.

Peter opened the door to the room, and squinted in.

"Remus said not to enable your gross misuse of metaphor."

"Whatever, he's been saying that for days. I'm hungry." Sirius complained, Peter shrugged.

"Tell him to stop being a prat!" James shouted from the next room. Peter left then, and Sirius pouted as he heard the burble of explanation through the closed door. By the second day he'd become sort of tired of resting, at this point he wanted to forget the whole thing just to see Remus. To see him smile despite himself. James entered a few moments later with a sandwich and Sirius's faith was restored.

"Is this real butter? That margarine stuff is only there because you traitors eat it."

"Don't you think this has gone a little far?" James asked. Sirius took a bite of food, definitely margarine.

"You people have no sense of what I'm trying to accomplish here," Sirius griped through a mouth full of bread and _margarine_.

"A really long and weakly justified lie-down?"

"It's a bed-in!" James stared back at him blankly. Sirius heard Remus laugh at something Peter said in the next room. "Why won't Remus come and talk to me?"

"Because you're uhm.. 'insufferably disingenuous' and he 'won't advocate it'."

"He was talking about me?" Sirius smiled. That was something.

"Yeah, about how much you need to get over yourself." Sirius's face dropped into a scowl.

"You know what? You're not being supportive," he pulled his wand out of his sleeve and summoned a jar from the kitchen, "from now on anyone who complains can put money toward the cause."

"What's the cause now? You keep changing your mind."

"Right now? I'm just holding out until Remus comes in and talks to me. He'll be insufferable if I give in before he does." James nodded in understanding.

"You might be better off holding out for world peace, mate."

"Ah!" Sirius warned and extended his arm, "In the jar." James raised his middle finger and stuck his hand in the jar.

"Something else for you to sit on, in case you ever pull your thumb out of your arse."

"Wow, swearing in the swear jar, you've really corrupted it's entire purpose." James withdrew his hand and stood to leave.

"They don't call me a Marauder for nothing." Sirius grabbed his sleeve as he turned to go.

"Why won't you just hang out in here for a while? People came in to hang out with John Lennon all the time."

"John Lennon wrote 'Yesterday'."

"Not alone." James shook his head and pulled one of the newspapers from the pile in the love seat before plonking down on top of the rest.

"You're pathetic."

"Birds of a feather."

"You need to stop comparing yourself to John Lennon." James reached for half of Sirius's sandwich and nabbed it before Sirius managed to snatch the plate away.

"Oi!" Sirius complained.

"Oh Relax," James tugged his wand out of the inside of his coat, "Engorgio." The spell hit a slice of tomato which swelled to the size of a soggy, red saucer. James flicked it at Sirius and Sirius slapped it toward the ground. The enlarged, slippery seeds still managed to splatter across Sirius's already stained t-shirt with a splat. The two wizards made a face at the tomato slush strewn on the floor, and across the duvet.

"You're driving us all mental Padfoot. I think Peter is becoming kind of afraid of you. He thinks you're gearing up to inherit the family psychosis, and you look gross."

"If the shirt's a problem I can take it off." Sirius stepped up on the bed and tugged at the grimy hem, leering stupidly. James helpfully chose this moment to sing Celestina Warbeck's: 'A Cauldron Full of Hot Strong Love' in a low, ridiculous baritone. If Sirius wasn't so busy dancing terribly, and taking his disgusting top off, he might of noticed the tomato slime he was about to step on, but unfortunately you can't disrupt a good groove for something so banal.

"I think you're gaining weight, mate."

"I'm as lean as ever, ask Remus," Sirius explained, as he stumbled on the slipperiest tomato seed in all of Christendom.

" He hasn't seen you in- Merlin the fecking wizard!" James exclaimed. Sirius's feet had gotten caught in the sheet and he had fallen so fast, his chin hit the hardwood floor with an inhuman wallop. Sirius still hadn't figured out whether or not he'd bitten his tongue in half when the bedroom door swung open.

Sirius looked up hopefully as he reached around to rub his bruised face. It was only Peter.

"Is he out of the bed?" Remus asked from the hall.

"My foot's still in, that counts," Sirius replied.

"How is your bloody jaw not broken into a dozen pieces?" James asked, astounded.

"Because that would mean he would have to stop talking bollocks, which he's obviously not capable of doing… he's not bleeding is he?"

"Have I told you that I hate you recently?" Sirius asked.

"What's he so upset about?" Peter asked.

"He's worried he's gotten too fat for Remus."

"Too fat for me to what?" Remus asked, eventually popping his head around the door. He was wearing his cheap, wire reading glasses low on his nose. His hair was curling at the ends from all the sweet steam coming from the kettle. Sirius wanted to die just looking at him.

"To shag," James said. Remus narrowed his eyes at Sirius. They weren't remotely exclusive, and James's hinting wasn't helping convince Remus that Sirius wasn't bragging about every detail of his sex life.

"I'd say he's as lean as ever," Remus said, and shrugged. Sirius beamed, "definite depreciation in muscle mass though," he called back. He was already disappearing back into the sitting room.

"Aaaw, you're gonna have to wear a t-shirt to the beach," James crooned. Sirius laughed falsely.

He was keenly aware that having tomato-floor face, and developing rolls like a pastry were not going to help him in his bid to win Remus over. Though Sirius had won Remus over, several times, it was as though he had to start anew with the boy every time they were alone together. It was like trying to hold onto a bar of soap that thought it was to edgy, and dangerous for you. Sure, he was a werewolf, but it was _Remus._

"Tell Remus he owes money to the cause, and to come, and put it in the jar when he's ready to apologise," Sirius ordered, as he clambered back into his bed, grabbing his t-shirt off of his bedside lamp.

"What's the cause again?" Peter asked, side-eyeing the jar by Sirius's pillow with some confusion.

"I'm going to use the money to buy some decent friends."

* * *

The next morning, as Sirius was sneaking around in the bathroom to brush his teeth, the unmistakable crack of apparition sounded from the hallway.

It was too early for anyone but Remus, and Sirius felt his pulse accelerate at the thought of being alone in the house with him. In double quick time Sirius hopped over every creaking floor board and dodged every obstacle, before sliding back under his covers.

The bedroom door opened and there he was, just like that. Sirius grinned, wincing as it disturbed the bruise along his jaw.

"I knew you'd come," Sirius said, like a loser. Remus was wearing a red, woolen cardigan that had worn so thin at the elbows you could see the navy sleeve of his shirt. He wrinkled his nose.

"Do you know how quiet it's been? I'm starting to wonder if any of the rest of us are even friends." Remus was smiling this small smile.

"So, you miss me?"

"Is that what this is about?"

"It's a bed-in, I explained it to you." The smile disappeared.

"I don't know how or why you're doing this, something in here smells like it's dying." Remus glanced around the room and paused on Sirius, his lip curled. He eyed Sirius's chest like it had made an obscene pass at his mother.

"How long have you been wearing that shirt?!" Sirius pulled it away from his body and eyed the once-white fabric.

"Oh well, it's all part of the process. I'm committed."

"Please, James is pretty sure he saw you buying butterscotch in Honeydukes on Monday. I can't believe you put that ancient shirt back on. It's going to die of old age before it even get's a chance to retire."

"James has the eyesight of a tree stump. I'm not taking my clothes off till this is over, or at least not without a suitable backing track."

"Do you want me to call James back-"

"- No," Sirius replied, too quickly. Remus pressed his lips together, and took one more step into the room.

"Sirius if this is a bid to get me alone to make another one of your ridiculous advances, my position hasn't changed. I'm a werewolf, I don't date, I don't get this. Stop fooling yourself. You're making it so much harder, for both of us."

"I'm going to start jogging next week. Lily says it's good for your heart."

"For God sake, this isn't about how you look. Are you even hearing what I'm saying?" Remus picked up one of the discarded newspapers on the ground and pretended to read the headlines. One more flimsy barrier between them.

"That you want to abandon The Order, and see if we can summon world peace by going to bed together?"

Remus laughed.

"Like John and Yoko?"

"People brought them gifts and all sorts. I could get a guitar."

"Oh I see, so you would be the John Lennon in this scenario?"

"Why not?" Sirius sat up straighter in the bed. Remus frowned.

"I am not the Yoko!" Sirius grinned because Remus was playing along, and that was nearly always a good sign. He was talking softly like he only did when they were alone.

"How long will I have to wait in bed for you to come and join me?"

"You'd be better off holding out for a Werewolf Minister of Magic." Remus bent his knees and lowered the Prophet back to the ground, as though it had been a weapon. He didn't make any sudden movements.

"James told me I had to apologise, and pay money to your ineffable cause. Let me see this jar."

"What? No. I'm not sitting here waiting for money, I'm waiting for you."

"Come on Sirius, let me give my blessing to your little stunt so that we can all move on with our lives."

"Lying here waiting for you to show up is about moving on with our lives."

"Okay, so here I am, pass me the jar." Remus pulled a bloody Galleon out of his pocket.

"Forget that, I told you, this is about us." Sirius's words were more abrupt than he meant them to be, but once he'd said it felt good.

"No it isn't, you've changed the reason every time you've been asked."

"I only gave you one reason."

"Because I refused to humour you after that."

"I meant it."

"If this is about anyone, it's about you, and your crushing need to embarrass me. I can't be this, I can't stand out. I can't risk being noticed. I don't get this, so just stop it."

"Who are you even talking about? There's no one else here. Make this decision with me and just leave every other person alive out of it for a second." Remus reached up, and tugged at a handful of his hair.

"You don't even know what you're asking."

"I've been sitting here asking for ten days. I'm pretty sure I know the question."

"You shouldn't have told James, that's how these things start."

"What things?"

"Scandals Sirius, exposés… revelations."

"I didn't 'out' you to James, Remus. He's just being a wanker as usual. That's not why this is happening." Sirius's body was growing warm, he didn't expect to feel this emotional. Maybe he didn't expect this to work. He'd sort of being enjoying it, wizards like Sirius were bred to be layabouts. For this to be the plot that would finally win Remus over almost felt like again Sirius had a feeling that this could be their undoing.

"Well then you shouldn't have started all of this without a proper explanation, and you shouldn't have asked for me the whole time, and you shouldn't look at me like that."

"Like what?" Sirius tried to not look at Remus like anything, but it was Remus.

"Like that." Remus bit his lip then, it was pornographic, he raised the coin absently, "Where's the jar?"

"Would you shut up about the jar? This isn't a real bed-in. It's a gross misuse of metaphor, and you shouldn't advocate it." Sirius gritted his teeth, Remus widened his stance.

"Take it."

"What would that accomplish? Are you going to buy me off with a Galleon? Are you going to pay me to just give up on this whole thing between us? After two years?" Sirius was getting really upset about this, but it didn't seem to be clear to Remus who extended his arm further, coin in hand.

"You wanted to buy new friends didn't you?"

"Stop it." Sirius could feel his palms starting to sweat, and his brow was so deeply furrowed that he could feel the tension at the back of his head. Remus rejected him all the time, but he was being so strange. Sirius couldn't puzzle him out. He didn't know what the right thing to say was.

"You asked for it," Remus said. Sirius gripped the jar tight under one of the pillows next to him.

"That's not all I asked for."

"That's all I'm offering."

"Drop it."

"But you said-"

"Don't twist my words, just drop it!" Sirius lifted the jar and threw it across the room. It shattered against the corner of the door-frame. Remus's coin clattered to the floor, as he flinched away.

"Shit," Remus hissed, as he rested his cheek in his hand. Great.

Sirius scrambled over to Remus, and put his foot on the floor for the first time in company in what felt like an age. He felt a sherd jab the sole of his foot, and disregarded it. He stepped into Remus's personal space, and pulled his hand away from his face.

"Show me," he mumbled, and immediately knew it would all be for nought.

 _The time Sirius smashed a jar, and was forced to stare deep into Remus's eyes to check for glass._ Sirius could've fought for the moment, but he couldn't quite shake the bed-in vibe as Remus leaned into his touch.

"Does it hurt?" Sirius asked.

"No, it's fine." Remus reached up, and ran his thumb along the bruise on Sirius's jaw like he had been waiting too. The knots in Sirius's body melted, as Remus moved his lips to follow the same path. Warm and careful. "I missed you, but I'm not touching that shirt."

"I told you I'm not taking it off without a decent backing track."

"Merlin, you're lazy," Remus griped. _The time Sirius almost got off with Remus, but couldn't because Remus was too grossed out by Sirius's clothes to undress him._

"Have it your way," Sirius grumbled, and pulled the shirt over his head. When Remus came back into Sirius's line of sight, he was smiling.


End file.
